~The Witzelsucht Memorandum~

"Where Top-Hat, Red Carpet Service is Practically A Motto."

Week of Early November:  How DUBUYA STOLE the election . . . *
(Written the night after the election, when George "DUBUYA" led Florida by over seventeen hundred votes, no one outside the Gore camp was claiming any optimism that a recount or overseas ballots would undo that margin, and no one foresaw over a month's delay of the inevitable, that George W. Bush would become the forty . . . well, we're not sure which number President he'll be.)

Some say the margin of victory came down to a small core of undecideds nationwide who favored giving DANA CARVEY four more years as the Bush, Sr. Impersonator-In-Chief on SNL. 

We call 'em schwwwiiiiiiinngg voters.

But in the end the Dana Carvey vote didn't turn the tide. Fraud did. The totality of events, when viewed in light of George W's own curious election-night behavior, leaves no doubt: THIS ELECTION WAS STOLEN.

That something larcenous was afoot became apparent early on in the cable coverage, when we were taken to the Texas Governor's mansion for a few words with George W, seen with wife and parents watching the networks declare that Florida had gone for Gore.

Bush, put on the spot and seemingly uncomfortable with the interviewer and the camera lights, advised against writing Florida off. That's when it happened. Bush started to say something about how things can change, that he'd talked to the people "who are actually counting the votes" . . . and then suddenly he STOPPED in mid-sentence, as though he realized that he was saying or about to say something not meant for public consumption. GEORGE SR. could even be seen in the corner of the TV screen making "cut, cut" gestures with his left hand. It was like Brando shushing Caan for speaking up against The Family's interests in "The Godfather." 

Why the odd behavior? What were they trying to hide? Who are these "people" of influence that Bush doesn't want us to know he knows?  The waters unmuddy when you consider that Florida is home to virulently anti-Castro zealots who loathe Gore because of the taking of Elian one-two-three. They're no strangers to shady dealings, being implicated in the JFK business by at least one writer, and they have strong ties to the CIA that date back to the Bay of Pigs. For whom would the CIA do just about anything, whose name did they emblazon on their spiffy Langley digs? W's own father, George Herbert Walker Bush, who'd stop at nothing to avenge his loss to Little Big Horny. And as if that's not enough, the head honcho in Florida is kid brother JEB, who according to The Hotline was once GOP chair of Dade county, one of the last counties to report its returns. In the face of all that, how likely is it that no sinister deliberation went into the confusing layout of Palm Beach county ballots that increased the chance that a vote intended for Gore would be recorded for PAT BUCHANAN

Add it all up and the conclusion is inescapable that the GOP STOLE this election.

Just like they TRIED to do in 1960, before being stopped by the heroic intervention of Mayor Daley in Chicago.

*Supposition.  May not have happened.

. . . and why WIT MEMO doesn't mind.

You'd think that WIT MEMO would've been rooting for Gore. He was, after all, the candidate of Bigger Government, and WIT MEMO figures the bigger the government, the bigger the odds of keeping the day job we've been repeatedly advised not to quit. But we welcome the second Bush Presidency. The way we see it, a boss who works a 6 hour day, doesn't like complex issues, has a low tolerance for meetings, and was for many years a path-of-least resistance party boy with few goals outside of tying one on, can't reasonably ask or expect much more out of his underlings. 

He's the first slacker president. Early in his campaign he gave us all a wink and a nod with a sly swat at grumpy maiden aunt ROBERT BORK, declaring that he didn't think that America was "slouching toward Gomorrah." It was like he was saying "I'm not one of them, I don't really believe their sanctimonious values hoo-hah." So WIT MEMO isn't worried. We just hope DC will be more fun under his administration than his father's. Hell, maybe we'll even get to hang out sometime. Who knows? We'll talk fishing or NASCAR and dig into some of that smoky, slo-cooked, falling-apart-tender Texas beef barbecue. Don't need no teeth to eat Dubya's beef. If only we could get him to start drinking again . . . 

UPDATE:  ALL HAIL KING RALPH
It's Thursday dark.  As of now, the Bush lead has shrunk considerably, Gore's bringing out all the big legal guns for an assault on several fronts, and Bush's people threaten challenges and allegegations of  irregularities in close counts in other states.  The high road and the gravitas are about to be abandoned.  It's dollars to donuts that this thing could descend to full-scale, hair-pulling, eye-scratching nastiness.  There's never been anything like it.  Compared to what we might be about to see, the so-called "constitutional crisis" of impeachment will seem like two kittens batting around a ball of yarn.  We're about to become a banana republic with bogus elections and shady seizures of power, except that the fights will be in the courtroom and the papers instead of real battles in the street.  And WIT MEMO loves it.  Because they're about to do themselves proud.  They're about to show us their inner junior high student council. If that happens, the whole lot of them will wind up even more universally despised than they are now.  Will they realize the damage they might sustain and put on the brakes?  Could the injury to both big parties and their system be so grievous that it engenders sea change?  If so, then Ralph Nader's candidacy will have accomplished as much as he could ever have hoped.  The Democrats may hate him now, but he just might end up the hero of this whole mishigas.  Stay tuned. 
Plus:  The election night bumper sticker of the century (Thanks to Tom Welsh)-
DON'T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR GORE . . . AND BUCHANAN!

Write to WIT MEMO

Back to WIT MEMO Home

1 1