The Witzelsucht Memorandum

-Where Sarcasm Is Mistaken For Satire-
Statement of Principles

or lack thereof

What is the Witzelsucht Memorandum?

Wit Memo is the original e-zine... 

Begun to test a cranky e-mail program in 1997, back before a million-and-one "blogs" arrived on the scene to beat you into submission with the sheer brute force of their opinions, Wit Memo has entertained and annoyed literally a number of people with odd perspectives on those events that recall George Meredith's dictum that "life is a tragedy to he who feels, a comedy to he who thinks." Or was it, a comedy to he who feels? Or was it Henri Bergson?

Where has Wit Memo been lately? 

Wit Memo's heyday was Peckergate. Everything was funnier and simpler when our biggest worry was whether the President felt up a zaftig young gal, and stuck his salary hook down her bloomers. It was a happy, carefree time.

But now, partisan sniping and ill will infect even attempts at humorous political commentary. Lampooning the stars and tenets of either major party forever establishes you as either a socialistic, fifth-column, America-hating, post-modern, godless liberal, or a fascist, imperialist, right-wing, racist, reactionary conservative. No middle ground, no going back. That's why we took a break.

Wit Memo's back, but we won't play that game. In the revered tradition of hero MAD Magazine, we'll stick it to whoever's in power, no matter which side they dress on. For now that means that GEORGE W. and his pals will get the winners' share of the spoiling. If he and his fans don't like that, then they shouldn't try so hard next time. And as election season draws near the Dems will be in for their fair share too, especially as the top contenders begin exhibiting signs of what HUNTER S. THOMPSON described in HUBERT HUMPHREY as blue-balls lust for the presidency. You'll know its spring when the saps start running. 

But with so many others out there ready to bat any gopher ball out of the park, Wit Memo will always strive to find the path less trodden, and voice subtle views that may have escaped others. For instance, we no longer believe that the 2000 election was stolen, as we once wrote. That election was bought and paid for, fair and square. And you won't see us fretting about JOHN ASHCROFT using 9/11 as a pretense to erode civil liberties. To Wit Memo it's far more entertaining that he lost an election to a dead man, and spent eight grand of taxpayer money to put clothes on a statue. 

We hope you'll stop by!

A word about Wit Memo production

Wit Memo, the un-blog, is the only online zine that isn't composed on a computer. In fact, Wit Memo doesn't even own a computer (we're waiting till they quit making 'em better). Every word of Wit Memo is banged out on a vintage L.C. Smith typewriter that Baltimore scribe H. L. MENCKEN used to complete the first draft of 1918's "In Defense of Women." We bought it for $1.87 at the former Edith's Shopping Bag on Fell's Point and spent $25 getting it reconditioned. HTML codes are inserted manually as we type, and then the completed pages are shipped off to the Wit Memo ISP for scanning and uploading to the server. What that entails we have no idea; as long as we come up with the twelve hundred bucks they charge each month to keep the whole shebang running, they pretty much stay out of our hair!

About our permanent sponsor

Wit Memo has long been brought to you by FIDO J. BARKIE'S SKOOL-4-DOGS, whose banner ad festoons our home page. Fido J. Barkie's earned Wit Memo's unqualified endorsement through the bang-up job they did with Wit Memo dog JASPER, a formerly high-strung Lab mix whose friskiness compelled him to chew a prized leather jacket and bark annoyingly at any person or (especially!) dog that happened by the entrance to Wit Memo headquarters. Other dog trainers and books were of no use, and so, at the end of our rope, we shipped Jasper off to Fido J. Barkie's for a brief stay. And now? He won't even go into a room where there's a leather jacket, or in which a leather jacket has been within the last few weeks! And instead of barking and capering about, he mostly sits huddled in a corner, perfectly quiet except for the occasional whimper! What a difference! That's why we said, "Fido J. Barkie's, 'welcome' to the Wit Memo team!"

The Witzelsucht Memorandum