The Witzelsucht Memorandum
-Where Sarcasm Is Mistaken
Statement of Principles
or lack thereof
What is the Witzelsucht Memorandum?
Wit Memo is the original e-zine...
Begun to test a cranky e-mail program in 1997, back before a million-and-one
"blogs" arrived on the scene to beat you into submission with the sheer
brute force of their opinions, Wit Memo has entertained and annoyed
literally a number of people with odd perspectives on those events that
recall George Meredith's dictum that "life is a tragedy to he who
feels, a comedy to he who thinks." Or was it, a comedy to he who feels?
Or was it Henri Bergson?
Where has Wit Memo been lately?
Wit Memo's heyday was Peckergate. Everything was funnier
and simpler when our biggest worry was whether the President felt
up a zaftig young gal, and stuck his salary hook down her bloomers. It
was a happy, carefree time.
But now, partisan sniping and ill will infect even attempts
at humorous political commentary. Lampooning the stars and tenets of either
major party forever establishes you as either a socialistic, fifth-column,
America-hating, post-modern, godless liberal, or a fascist, imperialist,
right-wing, racist, reactionary conservative. No middle
ground, no going back. That's why we took a break.
Wit Memo's back, but we won't play that game. In the revered tradition of hero
Magazine, we'll stick it to whoever's in power, no matter which side
they dress on. For now that means that GEORGE W. and his pals will
get the winners' share of the spoiling. If he and his fans don't like that,
then they shouldn't try so hard next time. And as election season draws
near the Dems will be in for their fair share too, especially as the top
contenders begin exhibiting signs of what HUNTER S. THOMPSON
in HUBERT HUMPHREY as blue-balls lust for the presidency.
You'll know its spring when the saps start running.
But with so many others out there ready to bat any gopher ball out of
the park, Wit Memo will always strive to find the path less trodden,
and voice subtle views that may have escaped others. For instance, we no
longer believe that the 2000 election was stolen, as we once wrote.
That election was bought and paid for, fair and square. And you won't see
us fretting about JOHN ASHCROFT using 9/11 as a pretense to erode
civil liberties. To Wit Memo it's far more entertaining that he
lost an election to a dead man, and spent eight grand of taxpayer money
to put clothes on a statue.
We hope you'll stop by!
A word about Wit Memo production
Wit Memo, the un-blog, is the only online zine that isn't composed
on a computer. In fact, Wit Memo doesn't even own
a computer (we're waiting till they quit making 'em better). Every word
of Wit Memo is banged out on a vintage L.C. Smith typewriter that
Baltimore scribe H. L. MENCKEN used to complete the first draft
of 1918's "In Defense of Women." We bought it for $1.87 at the former
Shopping Bag on Fell's Point and spent $25 getting it reconditioned.
HTML codes are inserted manually as we type, and then the completed pages
are shipped off to the Wit Memo ISP for scanning and uploading to
the server. What that entails we have no idea; as long as we come up with
the twelve hundred bucks they charge each month to keep the whole shebang
running, they pretty much stay out of our hair!
About our permanent sponsor
Wit Memo has long been brought to you by FIDO J. BARKIE'S
SKOOL-4-DOGS, whose banner ad festoons our home page. Fido J. Barkie's
earned Wit Memo's unqualified endorsement through the bang-up job
they did with
Wit Memo dog JASPER, a formerly high-strung
Lab mix whose friskiness compelled him to chew a prized leather jacket
and bark annoyingly at any person or (especially!) dog that happened by
the entrance to Wit Memo headquarters. Other dog trainers and books
were of no use, and so, at the end of our rope, we shipped Jasper off to
Fido J. Barkie's for a brief stay. And now? He won't even go into
a room where there's a leather jacket, or in which a leather jacket has
been within the last few weeks! And instead of barking and capering about,
he mostly sits huddled in a corner, perfectly quiet except for the occasional
whimper! What a difference! That's why we said, "Fido J. Barkie's, 'welcome'
to the Wit Memo team!"